after a long break!

Hi all!!!
It's been 7 months since i became visible thru my blog.. although there were many things to tell, share, somehow i couldnt. there is one question boggling me since some time. what happens when we try change something which has been there for quite a long time? let us start from my(assuming there are people out there to lend both their eyes and 'brain' to whatever i write!! :p) own habits.. for me first there will be an apprehension about what if something goes wrong which i assume has been right till now.. i would be kind of complacent with what is there or what is given. but the turmoil starts the moment i start thinking of something different... okay..after initial inhibition, hesitation everything, there comes a day i start with something new, different. there comes the real test! coz then not only you but others will also know that u are upon (and may be in the longer run that i am 'upto' )something! something what? they might not know but yes they know something is there! 'fishy' may be! hmm... the journey there on, i would say a bag of mixed feelings. it is a continuous test of identity, individuality and of course patience.it brings one to confront one's own beliefs. at times i would have to rethink on what i believe in. who is more important to me, the one who is in me(give it any name) or those who are outside with whom i have to be with everyday? dont many of us feel that we live in two different worlds?? one which is exclusively ours where u know what u want, what u like, what u want to do and be and at the same what or who u 'dont' want to be!. then there is another one where u dont live for yourselves but for others, no doubt for our own so called material benefits. with my observations (mention, not a survey though! ) it is easy to find people who live in the latter world. but one can hardly find those who live in the former coz the world outside may just not allow that! but i feel there are many who are stuck in the middle path sometimes confused which way to go! confused coz we definitely dont live in a dream world! it is so brutally practical that people tend to forget the means and where only the end matters...... and that is where these 'path finders' get lost. it may be impractical to have ideals and principles. it may be foolish also! but i feel it is a binding and driving factor to our otherwise monotonous lives. i would not recommend one to go after a euphoric goal. like they say choti si aasha, ek choti si thought to otherwise usually accepted or taken for granted norms can do wonders i belive! but i should add that the test of this belief of mine is still going on.. the day i give up or i am proven false, i would say just scrap this post of mine!